Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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