So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
