You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
