I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
