dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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