Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
