Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
