So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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