I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
