I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
