There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize