C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize