i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
