Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
