Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
