yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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