bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
