I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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