I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
