That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
