gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
