How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
