i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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