New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
