he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
