As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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