omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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