I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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