Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
