Your face is a jimmy john
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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