so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
