the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
