South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
