Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
