Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
