Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
