Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
