So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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