Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
