I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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