Sponge bath it is.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
