its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
