"it" just moved
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
