How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
