last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
