Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
