you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
