Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
