Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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