Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
