I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize