What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
