..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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