I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this will be a night to untag.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
