his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
