the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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