i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize