we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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