Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
