with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
