I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
