Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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