He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
