Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
