So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize