Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
