We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Green mimosas i think yes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize