So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
