Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
