just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He passed out mid-signature
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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