How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
