I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize