Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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