well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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