At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
