I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
