the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
