I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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