You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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