Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
