doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
