Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
