some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
